How did this even happen?

 

I thought, quite honestly, that I was over this. I'm from the "Tiger Beat" generation of screaming fan-girls. I had my bedroom wall papered with River Phoenix. He was it for me. When he died, I was crushed. I didn't think I would ever get over it. I mean I did. He's as real to me as he ever was, because his impact on the world around him did not die with him. Though now that I'm 40, I don't look at his image the same way. It feels icky because at his oldest he was 27, and I'm into men roughly my own age, or older. I'm not into "love's young dream" as I once was. I am comfortable being my age, in fact.

I'm a grown woman in a very happy marriage (admittedly it took the second time to get that right). I have several children in a range of ages. I run a successful business. I'm educated. I have hobbies, friends, interests. I read book, lots of them in fact. And I love movies and music and may aspects of pop culture. I'm a fan of many actors, male and female. I love period movies/mini-series based on Jane Austen, Charlotte and Emily Bronte, Elizabeth Gaskell and the like. And I love fantasy. I've read Tolkien multiple times as well as C.S. Lewis. But I don't consider myself above social media. I like the internet because there's loads of information out there. Yes you have to sort through a lot of crap sometimes but I like it.

I like that I don't have to cut down forests buying magazines for photos of my favorite celebrities. I like celebrities. I like to support those people who dared to do what they love and actually make it. I'm fascinated because they're human beings with jobs, careers but with extraordinary lives. I'm ordinary in so many ways, it is fun to ponder how they still also do ordinary things. And I appreciate that they are beautiful, and that they are talented.

Blah blah blah right? How did I become this gut-clenching Richard Armitage fan? Admittedly I came late to that party. As a fan of many famous people, I was a little embarrassed by fan fiction. I didn't understand fan art. Yes I actually purr when an attractive man is on stage or on the big screen. I'm not dead. But I didn't understand how grown women could be like I was at 16 for River Phoenix until...The Hobbit and my thought at the moment Thorin Oakenshield appeared in Bilbo's doorway was, "How on earth can a fantasy dwarf be so hot?" I loved the LOTR trilogy as portrayed by Peter Jackson. And I loved how beautiful the world and the characters were, but I didn't obsess over any particular one of them. But that thousand yard stare and that voice that could talk me into doing anything...unf

Google is a wonderful thing. I didn't even remember the name of the actor. But upon finding Richard Armitage, there were those eyes. I was surprised the first time I saw him clean shaven without the dwarf prosthetic pieces about his face. Wow. But Google some more. He did John Thornton in the BBC North and South? Why did I not know of this? I seriously have a Pride and Prejudice (the Colin Firth one) addiction where I re-watch it often and never get bored. But to have lightening strike a second time...how lucky could I get?

 

What is it about men with simmering anger behind their eyes that makes me crazy? I've always loved Colin Firth for it. But OH MY GOD there was this Richard Armitage guy that was staring down from above over a room full of cotton mill workers and nothing else existed until I was done watching the entire thing straight through. I knew nothing about the actor as of yet, but ever since, I cannot pick up the book and not see his face and hear his voice. And so it began...my descent into a place I'd not been since I was in High School though I didn't know it at the time...